The House of Irony / Archives

It took me a while to try it, but I’m totally hooked on Coca-Cola Zero. Through some sort of black magic, its toxic mixture of aspartame and acesulfame-potassium closely approximates the taste of Coca-Cola Classic.

I can not imagine how much regular Coke I’ve drank over my lifetime, but I’m sure it would come frighteningly close to the amount of plain water I’ve had. My consumption reached its zenith living with the boys in St.Catherines, especially with Doug around, who’s the only person I’ve known to drink more of the stuff than me. Hell, we were practically swimming in it, hopped up like junkies, the local Avondale living off our addiction. We stuck strictly to bottles, considering it a better fix than cans, and would collect so many per week we needed a dedicated recycling bin.

We started to reevaluate once Doug’s dentist discovered the enamel on his teeth was disintegrating from his habit. That definitely shocked us out of our caffeinated stupor, and we slowed down after that, though not by much.

And even after moving, I continued drinking Coke in moderation until recently, when I realized the amount of sugar in each can was in direct opposition to my plans for healthy living. A difficult decision, let me tell you, but there’s no way to justify 14 teaspoons of sugar for a single drink. Not even bothering to consider Diet Coke, I had a rebound relationship with Diet Mountain Dew ENERGY!, but it was a brief affair, its taste unable to keep my interest. I was beginning to think I would have to abandon pop altogether.

So you can imagine why I love Coca-Cola Zero and its startling likeness to the Real Thing™. The differences are hardly noticeable, a little less sugary and a little more spicy, and it seems a lot more carbonated than the original. But even though it’s not exactly pitch-perfect, and I do worry about the long term effects of sugar alternatives like aspartame, it’s probably the best option short of quitting pop, which hardly seems like an option at all, if you ask me.