Virgin Galactic and New Mexico have agreed to build a 225 million dollar spaceport so they can send tourists into outer space. They are planning to start flights in 2008, and it costs $200,000 to book a seat. Apparently, 38,000 people from 128 countries have already booked seats for the flight.
Let’s make it 38,000 and 1. I’m goin. That’s all there is to it. I just need someone to front me the money. There’s no way any of my friends will do it, because they all smell like class struggle.
So, here’s the deal, Corporate America. I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but if we work together, we can put me in outer space. I just need $200,000. I’ll be in the upper stratosphere and out of your way for awhile. What you do to the planet while I’m gone is your business. You wanna put on the funsuit and torpedo-fuck a third world country? Have at it. What happens on earth, stays on earth. I’ll wear whatever you want when I go up in the shuttle. You wanna paint your logos on my back like you do with prize fighters? I’m down with that.
I’m usually against this sort of thing, but my conscience and sense of social justice has it’s price. And this is it. This is outer fucking space we’re talking about here. I’ll even wear a jacket full of corporate brands made personally for me by a starving child if I have to. I’ll be all like, “Thank you for the jacket, Kenji. I’m sorry that your childhood was stolen from you by your manager’s baton and his cruel eyes. I promise I’ll shed a single tear for you and all mankind when I’m looking down on the planet.”
So that’s my plan, Corporate America. C’mon. I know you like me (in that way). I’ve seen the way you get mad when I fraternize with the working class. You’ve always had a thing for me, and I’ve always been a little attracted to your wealth and abundant lifestyle. You’re stylish, and I’m cute as a button. Let’s get together and make some delicious space music.
Call me.
“I’m usually against this sort of thing…”
This from the man who wanted, nay, demanded that Pepsi project its logo on the moon.
dude… i didn’t demand that pepsi per se project it’s logo on the moon. I just thought it would be cool if ANYONE could project something on the moon. Whoever gets it done first, kudos. I gotta respect that.
Personally, I would rather see graffiti on the moon. If I ever look up at the night sky and see “T-roy rules”, I’ll go total apeshit. That would be awesome.
I can see right through your facade, Mike. For years you’ve been a boot-licking toady for the corporate fatcats. Now you’ve realized that, like Renfield to Dracula, you’ll never get what you truly want because they wouldn’t want to upset the status quo. Why buy the cow when you can get the lacky for free?
Now in order to sell your soul, the only commodity they’d be interested in, you have to regain it. Or, in your case, fake it.
ah.. see… now you’re gettin’ all jealous and scorned, baby.
You don’t have to be that way. What me and the corporate giants have is meaningless. Purely business. They’re just a stupid trist. You’re the one I want to come home to.
singing
maybe iiiii didn’t treat you quite as good as I shooo-ooould maybe iiiii didn’t love you quite as often as I coooould
Little thiiings I should’ve said and done… I never took the tiii iii iiime
You were always ON MY MIIIIIIIND
whispers You were always on my mind