The House of Irony / January, 2006

God bless you, Wheels.

“Does the gay superhero know you took his belt?”

Sexy clowns! Car Chases! Explosive diarrhea! It’s been too long. Let’s get right to it.

The Friendship Club are holding a carnival for charity, and Spinner is the one sitting in the dunk tank. You have got to give it to those Christ kids; they’ve got business savvy. Nothing rakes in the cash like making a target out of the most hated person in Degrassi. Jimmy rolls by and pays five bucks to take as many shots but manages to dunk Spinner with just one toss. For a second I thought he was going to ask for his four bucks back, but instead he dunks the poor kid four more times. Calling the Toronto Blue Jays! Marco intervenes, saving Spinner from hypothermia. What a fucking baby.

Emma bakes some brownies to cheer Spike up on her third anniversary to Snake (and their first apart), while Manny suggests renting her some hot cock. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! All of this is simply skirting the real issue here. Spike is back on the market! Oh, I’m in love with a girl named Spike!

Meanwhile, at the carnival, Toby looks forward to snagging some free condoms at the upcoming Safer Sex day, and Marco, a devout Catholic, supposedly hasn’t heard that there’s a new Pope in town and is suffering under the delusion that gays will be fully accepted into the church sooner rather then later. The Friendship Club gush all over Spinner, inferring that he was solely responsible for raising over $800 for charity. That’s a lot of dunk tank patrons. Imagine how much they would have made if they had strapped Rick’s corpse to the dunk tank. Marco, deserted by all his friends (including “Palex”, the dykenamic duo), is approached by Spinner and asks him out on a date to see Clown Academy II - Bozo Romps Again where they bond over pizza and catty remarks.

Back at the ranch, Spike gets a surprise visit from an old friend. Things are going swimmingly until Snake shows up unannounced and ruins the girls’ non-anniversary party. Spike is not impressed. Hands off, Archibald! You had your chance! And since when is Caitlin Spike’s best friend? What happened to Liz?

The next day the Friendship club call an emergency meeting, which can only mean that either Linus has finally spiked the kool-aid or rampant promiscuity and other deviant sexual practices have overrun the school. Upset that Marco is orchestrating Safer Sex day, a thinly veiled excuse for some hot teenage dry humping, the Friendship team conspire to put a kibosh on the affair without Spinner or Darcy’s input. Linus makes the point that kids with access to condoms will have further reasons to get it on, a theory I wholeheartedly agree with. Where I diverge with Linus is in thinking that teenage orgies are a bad idea. High school by choice! Hand out more condoms!

Over at Spike’s place, Caitlin concocts a list of lame party games to keep her mind off of Snake’s betrayal. Manny reiterates her desire for sweet sweet beefcake, and finally wins the other girls over. Caitlin snags a phone book and lets her fingers do the walking.

Spinner attempts to break the world record for ending a budding friendship by harassing Marco about condoms and sin less then 24 hours after reigniting their fractured relationship. Apparently, giving high school kids condoms is in the Bible. When Marco won’t listen to reason, the Friendship brigade bring their case to the Principal, who knows a thing or two about hump crimes. Fearful of another outbreak of social diseases, she ignores them and gives the go-ahead for Marco’s hedonistic celebration. Realizing that Friendship club is the last bastion of decency at Degrassi, Puppet Master gives Spinner a choice. Us… or them?

At this point Spinner is so into Jesus that he turns his back on the piece of tail that got him there in the first place and follows Jim Jones to a protest at the gym. That’s when the fun begins. Hot Linus and Marco action! The two petite iconoclasts trade blows, both ideological and physical. Sha-zam! Watch out, Linus. This “fag” has a mean left hook. Spinner, convinced of Linus’ bigotry, helps break up the fight and sends Linus packing. Unfortunately, it appears that it’s already too late for Spinner and Marco’s friendship. But, oh, what a beautiful 24 hours they had together…

Speaking of throbbing man loins, Spike’s non-anniversary surprise shows up in bow ties, short shorts, appetizers and little else. Manny gets her wish and Emma is about to pass along a few more social diseases when Spike is startled by one stripper’s resemblance to her former beau. Uh oh. Caitlin obviously hired strippers from a company that specializes in ugly, misshapen men. How does someone who looks like Archibald get a job like that? I guess now we know why they called him Snake. Definition of mixed emotions – Spike sobbing while showing loads of cleavage in a cute, tight little number. To Emma’s shock, Spike reveals that she’s still in love with at least one-third of the Zit Remedy.

Darcy convinces Spinner to ask Marco’s forgiveness, obviously unaware of his past attempts to win Jimmy’s affection. Spinner gives it a shot, with the scriptwriters recycling past dialogue by substituting “Jimmy” with “Marco. Just when it looks like Spinner will switch to stalking Marco for a full season, Degrassi’s gay superhero proves he’s the bigger man and forgives the big lug. In one of the series more poignant scenes, Marco observes “Spinner, you really are lost, aren’t you?”

There’s some discussion going around the Interweb about Videogames that keep pulling you back, and it’s got me thinking about the games that’ve kept their grip on me over the years.

I mean, there’s games that I absolutely love, like Star Wars:KOTOR, the Zelda games (especially Ocarina of Time), and even the Halo games, which I’m playing through again right now. BUT, if I was to gauge it in terms of sheer addictiveness, there are two games that I cannot even allow in my vicinity: Eastside Hockey Manager and Civilization II. I have lost months of my life to this duo of doom, and have such a hold of me that I’ve had to officially ban them from my life. I shouldn’t even be talking about them, really, such is my worry that I’ll hunt them down and abandon all else. To explain their pull is difficult, though I’m sure it would be similar to being able to smoke crack without care or worry. I even have to ignore their entire genres, I can’t allow myself to play any sport sims or world building games for fear of a similar addiction.

...

I apologize to anyone that tries either of these games because of me. Please remember to eat, and drink lots of water. It will pass eventually, unless it doesn’t.

...was having chai tea and cinnamon toast for breakfast.

Seldom is there a show of such quality and depth as this. Firefly lived for a brief and shining moment, only to be snuffed out by executive morons. For those that don’t know, here is a brief story. Joss Whedon after finishing his shows Buffy and Angel created a new epic that can only be described and a combination space opera and western. 20th Century Fox aired the show wrong. They did not play the show in the order it was filmed, which if any of you know Joss Whedon story telling style means anyone attempting to watch the show was completely lost as pieces of the story were completely lost on viewers who were watching episode 9 one week, and episode 5 the next. Thus it didn’t have nearly the push it should have.

In come the fans. Hardcore Joss fans who managed to catch the show DEMANDED a DVD set be released, and soon DVD sales skyrocketed from a show that barely reached the air. The signal would not be stopped. Enough sales happened that Joss was able to convince the bean counters a movie would be a wise and profitable idea, and while the movie in theatres did not quite make all it’s money back, again DVD sales of the movie brought in high numbers.

Now the fans speak again. An independant group is starting an online petition to bring season 2 to fruition. Maybe it’s an excercise in futility. Maybe this David will get squished by his Goliath. But if you love good TV, with thought provoking stories and well thought out characters I beg you to rent the DVDs, hell even download them, but for christ’s sake watch it and I guarantee you will fall in love with this show from the first episode. And click on this link to sign up to the petition. Save yourself from having to watch another show like Friends or The OC and lets bring back some good TV!

Nintendo announced their redesign of the Nintendo DS, dubbed the “DS Lite.” It’s a fine looking system, no doubt due to its resemblance to the Goliath of portable electronics, the iPod.

As a “Fat DS” owner, my immediate concern was that this was a repeat of what happened with the Gameboy Advance, when a much improved SP version was released to address flaws in the original. Instead, I see something more in line with the Gameboy Micro, which is turn Nintendo’s stab at the casual gaming market, the most potentially lucrative audience out there.

From the released images, this design could practically be a mockup for an Apple PDA (ignoring the obvious gaming elements like the D-Pad and buttons), and I’m sure this was more than intentional. Right down to the hinges, this looks straight out of Cupertino, and more importantly, it works. The original DS is like playing with building blocks, and it’s very obvious their first audience was kids. This new look is much more suited to an older audience, and, I think, going to be very successful.

Nintendo deserves credit for this move, even if it lacks somewhat in subtlety. It’s funny to see them working the angles after playing conservative for so long, and I’m happy to see it. I think that if Nintendo’s history shows anything, it’s that gaming popularity moves in cycles, and if they can get the public to stay interested, Nintendo might be the one plotting the path of the next videogame generation.

As I mentioned before, I have been attending a weekly life drawing session. A number of my former colleagues at the animation studio also come to these sessions. Starting recently, we’ve been heading out to one of the local pubs to continue drawing, coupling it with excessive drinking. Here are just a few of the results of last night’s debauchery.

The first picture is of one of the attendees as a “Furry”. He made the mistake of mentioning that he finds Furries creepy. Showing that I’m not all bad, I did allow him to choose which kind of animal he would dress as. He is a beaver.

The conversation then shifted to Boglins. Boglins were a kind of disturbing hand puppet made of rubbery, almost life-like material. Kind of a monstrous Real Doll for children. One of the attendees admitted that he had begged for a Boglin for Christmas, but upon receiving one, he was too scared to keep it in his room. Boglin’s are not Madballs, nor are they Ugly Balls, the Bonkers equivalent.

One of the more militantly fair-minded of our crowd was put off by our supposed snobbishness towards those not familiar with Boglins, and he expressed his distaste with our alleged elitism by calling us “Boglin Aristocrats”. Shown is a picture of me as a Boglin Aristocrat, by myself with help from one of the other participants.

Near the end of the night, we began a comic jam, with each of us drawing one panel in a sequence then passing it along to the next person. It is a practice we all agreed will continue into the future. Contributors included Me, Tom, Jordan, Matt, Stephen, Mike and Jose. This is only two-fifths of the completed comic. The remainder would no doubt be considered obscene under the leadership of our new Prime Minister.

Cambarusidae Majoris. Hailing from the wilds unknown rises the ferocious spirit of Mother Earth made corporeal. CRAWBEAR! Beware mankind for the Crawbear stalks the land seeking to restore the balance through bloodshed and mindless slaughter. Nothing can stop it. Only when it’s lust for manflesh has been sated shall the earth know peace once again.