I can’t afford to get the laser bag here in Ottawa, and I’m too far from Oakville to get it cheap, so naturally the conversation turns to baby names. J. has allowed me to name any of our future children if they turn out to be boys. The following is a list of a few of the names I came up with. She agreed to only one.
Snake – Contrary to popular belief, this is not in honour of Snakes on a Plane, but rather because of Plissken.
Satanico Pandemonium – One of my top five.
Isaac – The only one she agreed to, but now that I’ve given it some thought, if we’re going to name a kid after a character from Children of the Corn I would rather it were Malachai.
Zeus
Hercules
Theseus
Q-Bert – Another name on my top five. By this point J. had stopped listening to me and was answering automatically. After she said no once, she paused, realized what I had said, then said no again with a great deal of pain and dismay on her face.
Dig-Dug
Dig-Douglas
Galaga
Power Man – J. told me that if I followed this suggestion with Iron Fist she would smack me. I am so proud that she would automatically think of Iron Fist when she hears Power Man. I told her not to worry, as I think Iron Fist is a name that would get the kid beat up and I would never suggest it.
Pregnancy
Rude Boy
Shaft – On the top five. My argument was “That Shaft is one bad mutha…SHUT YO MOUTH! But I’m talking about Shaft Wintle. We can dig it.”
Superfly
Odin – Fuck yeah. Top five.
Thor
Tiberius – My number one choice. I really pushed for this and must have repeated it a dozen times, even suggesting that he can go by Ty for short. J. is convinced I will forget about it eventually, so just in case, I have written myself a note and placed it in an envelope marked “Open in case of pregnancy.”
Chicken
Delissio
Iron Fist
Rex – Almost made the top five.
Hannibal – Same as Rex.
Job – This one was tricky. J. suggested it, but I think she may have been joking. I think the kid would grow up good and tough with this name.
Conan
Future suggestions – Mongoose, Malachai, Elevator Action, Ghiderah
If I had a son he would be named Jackson Kang Khan Nagy.
If I had a daughter I would name her Scarlet Witch Hazel Nagy.
Of course if I had children – they would be named mistakes.
I agree with Doug on the mistakes part. Nobody wants to have an accident that eventually learns how to talk back.
But if I had to name something, I’m still in favor of the name Stacks for a boy.
Also.. fuck it.. go all the way… name him Godzilla.
ohhh
i just thought of this … Darth.
Darth Wintle
fuck yeah.
i told stacey if we ever procreate, Parker Lewis Barker for boy was non-negotiable…for a girl i like Maneater Hall Oates Barker
what about Everybody Else Wintle…so then other parents could make an example of you kid…well, if Everybody Else jumped off a bridge would you?
Everybody Else bags his comic books, why don’t you?
Everybody Else has slept with that whore, why don’t you?
i think it has a nice ring to it, and it’s highly functional at the same time…just throwing out there; take it or leave it
I was considering naming my kid “Employees” or “Staff” for similar reasons.
And I can’t believe I forgot “Horatio”!