Yesterday I was lucky enough to see a question and answer session with German Director Werner Herzog.

Some of the more interesting things he talked about were:

1 Landscapes as his starting point and talked about how he directs them.
2 How to hypnotize a Chicken by quickly drawing a chalk line in front of them.
3 The barbarous nature of chickens – he called them cannibals and called their gaze “flat”.
4 His disgust for psychology.
5 The importance of language (he urged aspiring filmmakers to study other major languages).
6 The importance of journey on foot.
7 His view that nature is base and vile.
8 That there is no excuse for filmmakers today as good equipment is so readily available and cheap – he then said if you need money work as a bouncer in a sex club.

All his answers were very blunt, direct and at times dark. He told a story where in response to a rumour that was floating around about a crew member getting hit by a truck (she wasn’t) he created a wilder rumour by telling an Italian reporter that after the truck driver hit her – he got out and raped her on the street. I laughed very loudly at this. So much so that some dude in a cardigan turned around and shot me a disgusted look. I may think rape is funny – but he was wearing a cardigan, fuck you sir.

After the event was over I was on my way out with the space junk crew when I spotted Herzog to my right. I bee lined it to him and said “Thank you Mr Herzog” – he shook my hand and said “Thank you for coming”. I then asked him why he decided to shave his moustache. He smiled and said “Oh I don’t remember – I must have lost it during life’s trials and tribulations. ” I then said, “I am going to be honest with you – you grown an amazing moustache.”

I was pretty excited to speak to him, and later than night Wintle suggested I fuck the hand that shook his hand. This was good advice, and by osmosis my cock is now able to direct landscapes.

One Comment

I’m glad you took my advice.

P.S. I like cardigans.

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