The other day I went to my favorite restauraunt for delicious eggs bennedict. I was informed upon my arrival that I would be seated next to the women of the Red Hat Society. to which I replied “Huh?”
As I was seated, I noticed that the prophecy was correct – and I was seated beside a bevy of old broads wearing red hats and purple dresses! I had no idea what they were about, nor what “the deal” was with the red hats. I went on their website and discovered that all they care about is going out and having a good time; whilst wearing the scarlet chapeau.
The only rule of law these ladies abide by is this:
Girls under 50 – purple hat and red dress.
Girls over 50 – purple dress and red hat.
Ladies of the Red Hat I salute you, and in time hope to point to you as an influence in the creation of
The Fabulous Mens Club. (Roma Del Tora 4 life)
Yesterday I was lucky enough to see a question and answer session with German Director Werner Herzog.
Some of the more interesting things he talked about were:
1 Landscapes as his starting point and talked about how he directs them.
2 How to hypnotize a Chicken by quickly drawing a chalk line in front of them.
3 The barbarous nature of chickens – he called them cannibals and called their gaze “flat”.
4 His disgust for psychology.
5 The importance of language (he urged aspiring filmmakers to study other major languages).
6 The importance of journey on foot.
7 His view that nature is base and vile.
8 That there is no excuse for filmmakers today as good equipment is so readily available and cheap – he then said if you need money work as a bouncer in a sex club.
All his answers were very blunt, direct and at times dark. He told a story where in response to a rumour that was floating around about a crew member getting hit by a truck (she wasn’t) he created a wilder rumour by telling an Italian reporter that after the truck driver hit her – he got out and raped her on the street. I laughed very loudly at this. So much so that some dude in a cardigan turned around and shot me a disgusted look. I may think rape is funny – but he was wearing a cardigan, fuck you sir.
After the event was over I was on my way out with the space junk crew when I spotted Herzog to my right. I bee lined it to him and said “Thank you Mr Herzog” – he shook my hand and said “Thank you for coming”. I then asked him why he decided to shave his moustache. He smiled and said “Oh I don’t remember – I must have lost it during life’s trials and tribulations. ” I then said, “I am going to be honest with you – you grown an amazing moustache.”
I was pretty excited to speak to him, and later than night Wintle suggested I fuck the hand that shook his hand. This was good advice, and by osmosis my cock is now able to direct landscapes.
It is no secret that Saddam is my favorite dictator. He had a great moustache, loved american cinema and had a version of the Koran written with his own blood. Through hard work and a lot of hustle, he killed a lot of dudes and made the rest very, very afraid. Say what you will about the man’s ethics – he ran a tight ship.
I came across a site today that celebrates the courtroom antics of this zany role model. The address is www.rockpapersaddam.com Please treat yourself to the comedy stylings of the Terror from Tikrit!
Thank you to our friends at Filmjunk for bringing this to our attention. Life is worth living once again.
The SNAKES ON A PLANE Teaser Trailer!
I have a custom built electric baritone ukulele. I documented the construction process and am glad I did for sentimental reasons. What surprised me was the amount of interest from others in the creation of the instrument. I am now considering a custom acoustic ukulele, and plan to document the creation so all of you, my international friends may join me on the journey.
Part 1: Materials
Before you sketch a design, determine measurements or anything at all – you have to consider the trees. Classically ukuleles have been made of all Koa or Mahogany, both having similar “mellow” tonal properties. I am a huge fan of Mahogany as a tone wood and used it for the neck and body wood of my electric. It is the same wood as the Gibson sg – and that my friend … is the sound of Sabbath. Without reservation I quickly choose Mahogany as the neck back and side wood for the ukulele, it is time tested and as I mentioned a favorite of mine.
The area of contention for me at this stage is the top wood. Mahogany will sound fine, but a cedar or spruce top wood will have more projection, more treble and a livelier sound. I want to avoid too much treble, but cedar/spruce as a top wood has been used on acoustic instruments for quite some time and with great success. This decision has not yet been made and it is one that I continue to wrestle with.
Other materials will include rosewood for the bridge and fretboard. Rosewood is a strong, warm sounding wood, and is perfect for the lullabies created by the acoustic uke. The nut will be ebony, I prefer ebony to bone because of the “roundness” it gives open string playing – in the saddle we will however place the bone of an immoral vulture.
That is all for today’s installment, stay tuned for Part 2 – Doodling the Design.
Crimson and Clover 87’
I am a fan of both cartoons and blasphemy, so when I come across a blasphemous cartoon – I am tickled pink. You can imagine my surprise this week when I found out that many in the Muslim world do not share my enthusiasm for these sorts of cartoons.
It appears that many people are in a tizzy at the Danish government for allowing cartoons of the prophet Mohammed in a newspaper. In response the Danish government told people to simmer down. Since the initial backlash the cartoons have been reprinted in Danish and Norwegian newspapers and have been floating around the web. I was lucky enough to find one to share with all of you.
This news re affirms suspicions I have had for years; cartoons corrupt all that is good, holy, moral and right … I am off to get pencils.
