The House of Irony / Television

Today I searched for the location of a Shaolin school that may be opening in Canada, lyrics to Redman’s Lay You Out, and a clip of an SNL skit.

Today I searched for the rules for Go Johnny Go Go Go Go, the Mandarin version of Immaculate Machine’s Dear Confessor, and an equivalent to Mongolian Village in Toronto.

I searched for an explanation for the cancellation of the comic Loveless, tips on how to make photos look like Polaroids from the ‘70s and which season of Highway To Heaven had the episode where Michael Landon reprised his role from I Was A Teenage Werewolf.

Tim Lucas of the Video Watchblog reports that famed horror television producer Dan Curtis has passed away.

The 1970’s looms large in cinema history, especially among horror junkies, myself included. It was a time when a gritty, independent vision could still make it to the big screen without compromise, and often take in a healthy box office as an added bonus. This sensibility filtered down to television as well. In fact, it’s probably safe to say that the 1970’s was the golden age of made-for-tv horror movies. And behind the most fondly remembered of those films was producer/director/writer Dan Curtis.

Curtis cut his teeth on horror as creator of the cult favourite soap opera series Dark Shadows, moving on from there to a television adaptation of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That telefilm starred Jack Palance, who would also appear in Curtis’ version of Dracula in the title role, and one which many believe to be one of the all-time best screen renditions of the Count.

While these productions have their devout followers, for my taste Curtis really hit his stride in his less gothic work. The Night Stalker introduced the world to horror’s unlikeliest hero, Carl Kolchak, a rumpled and cynical investigative reporter on the trail of a vampire roaming the streets of Las Vegas. The Night Stalker went on to capture a 54 share of the ratings for its timeslot, meaning that over half of the viewing audience tuned in, giving The Night Stalker the best ratings for a made-for-tv movie up to that time. Curtis followed this up with a sequel, and another telefilm about a supernatural investigator called The Norliss Tapes. The story was told through audio tapes Norliss had made describing his encounters with the horrific as found by his editor, who is seeking an explanation for Norliss’ mysterious disappearance. Unfortunately, the premise never went beyond the pilot, so no one knows what happened to poor Norliss. The heady mix of horror and cynicism evident in these three films, with the little guy facing dark powers seemingly beyond his power to defeat let alone comprehend, touch on the zeitgeist of the times as well as just about any of television’s big brothers on the silver screen.

And there’s plenty more, from Frankenstein to Trilogy of Terror to Burnt Offerings to the new Dark Shadows and all the way up to the present-day. For people of a particular age, Dan Curtis is the man most responsible for many a sleepless night. Thanks for the nightmares, Mr. Curtis.

Mr. Curtis is survived by two daughters. Condolences to his friends and family.

Just watched the episode of Inside The Actors Studio with Dave Chappelle. It’s probably the funniest and most honest interview, and definitely the best episode of the show, I’ve ever seen. The advice and truisms from Chappelle aren’t just for people who want to be performers, they’re for life in general.

And yeah, it does have heartfelt moments, and wisdom, and insight, and all that other gay stuff. But it’s also funny as hell. There are even parts where James Lipton breaks in some comedic chops… and, for once, he doesn’t look like a pretentious kiss-ass doin’ it. At one point, Chappelle even makes him get up and bust out some old school ballet moves. And the crowd went apeshit. I think that’s one of the signs of a great performer. He doesn’t just make himself look good. He makes everyone around him look like a star.

God bless you, Wheels.

“Does the gay superhero know you took his belt?”

Sexy clowns! Car Chases! Explosive diarrhea! It’s been too long. Let’s get right to it.

The Friendship Club are holding a carnival for charity, and Spinner is the one sitting in the dunk tank. You have got to give it to those Christ kids; they’ve got business savvy. Nothing rakes in the cash like making a target out of the most hated person in Degrassi. Jimmy rolls by and pays five bucks to take as many shots but manages to dunk Spinner with just one toss. For a second I thought he was going to ask for his four bucks back, but instead he dunks the poor kid four more times. Calling the Toronto Blue Jays! Marco intervenes, saving Spinner from hypothermia. What a fucking baby.

Emma bakes some brownies to cheer Spike up on her third anniversary to Snake (and their first apart), while Manny suggests renting her some hot cock. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! All of this is simply skirting the real issue here. Spike is back on the market! Oh, I’m in love with a girl named Spike!

Meanwhile, at the carnival, Toby looks forward to snagging some free condoms at the upcoming Safer Sex day, and Marco, a devout Catholic, supposedly hasn’t heard that there’s a new Pope in town and is suffering under the delusion that gays will be fully accepted into the church sooner rather then later. The Friendship Club gush all over Spinner, inferring that he was solely responsible for raising over $800 for charity. That’s a lot of dunk tank patrons. Imagine how much they would have made if they had strapped Rick’s corpse to the dunk tank. Marco, deserted by all his friends (including “Palex”, the dykenamic duo), is approached by Spinner and asks him out on a date to see Clown Academy II - Bozo Romps Again where they bond over pizza and catty remarks.

Back at the ranch, Spike gets a surprise visit from an old friend. Things are going swimmingly until Snake shows up unannounced and ruins the girls’ non-anniversary party. Spike is not impressed. Hands off, Archibald! You had your chance! And since when is Caitlin Spike’s best friend? What happened to Liz?

The next day the Friendship club call an emergency meeting, which can only mean that either Linus has finally spiked the kool-aid or rampant promiscuity and other deviant sexual practices have overrun the school. Upset that Marco is orchestrating Safer Sex day, a thinly veiled excuse for some hot teenage dry humping, the Friendship team conspire to put a kibosh on the affair without Spinner or Darcy’s input. Linus makes the point that kids with access to condoms will have further reasons to get it on, a theory I wholeheartedly agree with. Where I diverge with Linus is in thinking that teenage orgies are a bad idea. High school by choice! Hand out more condoms!

Over at Spike’s place, Caitlin concocts a list of lame party games to keep her mind off of Snake’s betrayal. Manny reiterates her desire for sweet sweet beefcake, and finally wins the other girls over. Caitlin snags a phone book and lets her fingers do the walking.

Spinner attempts to break the world record for ending a budding friendship by harassing Marco about condoms and sin less then 24 hours after reigniting their fractured relationship. Apparently, giving high school kids condoms is in the Bible. When Marco won’t listen to reason, the Friendship brigade bring their case to the Principal, who knows a thing or two about hump crimes. Fearful of another outbreak of social diseases, she ignores them and gives the go-ahead for Marco’s hedonistic celebration. Realizing that Friendship club is the last bastion of decency at Degrassi, Puppet Master gives Spinner a choice. Us… or them?

At this point Spinner is so into Jesus that he turns his back on the piece of tail that got him there in the first place and follows Jim Jones to a protest at the gym. That’s when the fun begins. Hot Linus and Marco action! The two petite iconoclasts trade blows, both ideological and physical. Sha-zam! Watch out, Linus. This “fag” has a mean left hook. Spinner, convinced of Linus’ bigotry, helps break up the fight and sends Linus packing. Unfortunately, it appears that it’s already too late for Spinner and Marco’s friendship. But, oh, what a beautiful 24 hours they had together…

Speaking of throbbing man loins, Spike’s non-anniversary surprise shows up in bow ties, short shorts, appetizers and little else. Manny gets her wish and Emma is about to pass along a few more social diseases when Spike is startled by one stripper’s resemblance to her former beau. Uh oh. Caitlin obviously hired strippers from a company that specializes in ugly, misshapen men. How does someone who looks like Archibald get a job like that? I guess now we know why they called him Snake. Definition of mixed emotions – Spike sobbing while showing loads of cleavage in a cute, tight little number. To Emma’s shock, Spike reveals that she’s still in love with at least one-third of the Zit Remedy.

Darcy convinces Spinner to ask Marco’s forgiveness, obviously unaware of his past attempts to win Jimmy’s affection. Spinner gives it a shot, with the scriptwriters recycling past dialogue by substituting “Jimmy” with “Marco. Just when it looks like Spinner will switch to stalking Marco for a full season, Degrassi’s gay superhero proves he’s the bigger man and forgives the big lug. In one of the series more poignant scenes, Marco observes “Spinner, you really are lost, aren’t you?”

Seldom is there a show of such quality and depth as this. Firefly lived for a brief and shining moment, only to be snuffed out by executive morons. For those that don’t know, here is a brief story. Joss Whedon after finishing his shows Buffy and Angel created a new epic that can only be described and a combination space opera and western. 20th Century Fox aired the show wrong. They did not play the show in the order it was filmed, which if any of you know Joss Whedon story telling style means anyone attempting to watch the show was completely lost as pieces of the story were completely lost on viewers who were watching episode 9 one week, and episode 5 the next. Thus it didn’t have nearly the push it should have.

In come the fans. Hardcore Joss fans who managed to catch the show DEMANDED a DVD set be released, and soon DVD sales skyrocketed from a show that barely reached the air. The signal would not be stopped. Enough sales happened that Joss was able to convince the bean counters a movie would be a wise and profitable idea, and while the movie in theatres did not quite make all it’s money back, again DVD sales of the movie brought in high numbers.

Now the fans speak again. An independant group is starting an online petition to bring season 2 to fruition. Maybe it’s an excercise in futility. Maybe this David will get squished by his Goliath. But if you love good TV, with thought provoking stories and well thought out characters I beg you to rent the DVDs, hell even download them, but for christ’s sake watch it and I guarantee you will fall in love with this show from the first episode. And click on this link to sign up to the petition. Save yourself from having to watch another show like Friends or The OC and lets bring back some good TV!